Sunset

Communion

Chain

He angrily tries to chain me. To keep me to him.

He his angry because it isnt working. In will not be chained.

He wants to force me to love him the way I did.

Sick love. A love full of fear.

He wants me back and will turn a blind eye to the pain he causes.

He wants to go back in time. To the days when his secrets were still secret.

When I was still ignorant and in bliss.

He doesn't want to change his ways. He just wants me to accept him for who he is,

even when that means pain.

He wants me to hurt, just as long as I'm his.

He wants me chained to him. Cruel. Forced love. Not love. Forced presence.

He wants me in his life to live his life. To be his support.

But he knows nothing of supporting me.

He blames me for pushing away.

I am not allowing him to support me. I've shut all my doors.

I spent months waiting for him to support me.

He had his chance.

Now I am taking care of myself.

Now I am unchained.

The Beach

Lighthouse

A Helper: But Which One?

Friends

Kissing Santa

I have a statue

of a kissing Santa.

He leans in to kiss the cheek of Ms Claus.

She sits, confidently poised on her chair,

Happy, peaceful.

She knows Santa loves her.

She knows God loves her.

She loves herself.

And it is this.

This power. This peace,

That pulls him to her.

He needs her strength, her peace to give him purpose.

So though the action of the statue is on Santa,

The true purpose of the statue is in her.

Shielded

A glass of courage, shielded in a night of no fear,

leads the heart to do things it wouldn't.

A call, a message, a longing reach.

Out to the darkness, hoping to reach its safe target.

But a false, shielded courage will not know true safety.

For only true unshielded courage sees truth.

And in the morning, when the false courage is gone,

and the truth glows in the sunrise,

the target reveals itself again to be,

just as dangerous as ever.

White Wings

I loved you because you gave me wings.

But then I saw they were dirty

and broken.

Gray broken dirty wings.

I thought we were flying.

I believed you. Believed your lies.

Soon I realized we were just falling, slowly.

So, I tore them off, in midflight.

It hurt and I cried, but they were leading me to my death.

A gliding free fall into agony.

So I bled and cringed as I broke them. Feather after feather.

And I shivered as I treated my wounds.

Amazingly, new ones started to grow.

I didn't need your wings!

I had wings of my own!

Strong, majestic,

Beautiful,

And glowing white.

Wings bigger than I've ever imagined.

And they're taking me higher than your eyes could ever see.

So, to you the liar, I say,

thank you for making me fall.

For without falling, I would have never realized,

I could fly.

Do I Really Need A Dining Room Table? Nah!

So Much Art, So Little Space...

Break Away From Darkness And Be Free!

Portrait of My Son

Walking Ahead

He is not ready.

No, not ready for me.

I am farther ahead in this journey.

And he has a lot of growing up to do.

I could wait,

But I will not,

For he is on his own journey,

And my waiting cannot help.

For he must conquer his own fear,

At his own pace.

And until then, he is not ready.

Not ready for me.

And so I will walk.

Keep walking on ahead.

Prayer and Meditation

Grace

With a Thoughtful Pause, Arise.

A Farewell And A New Direction

The sadness of a lost bond.

I feel it tug at me.

For even dangerous bonds are still comforting and familiar over time.

And the small traces of goodness are the hardest to bid goodbye.

A laugh

A touch

A gentle moment

A connection with a soul on a level like I've never known.

I already miss it.

But I know it was time.

Time to go.

Time to let him face his reality.

And time to face mine.

We've left the common path.

They have diverged and are now facing opposite directions.

So quickly it happened.

Or perhaps,

not quick at all.

Perhaps I was blind for too long,

walking a path that wasn't meant for me.

I couldn't fit. It was so treacherous.

I wanted to out of love, and fear.

And then, at once, my eyes were opened.

And I was saved.

And he was saved.

And my true path beckons to me.

It says,

"Come Erica, come this way.

I've been waiting for you.

And you are ready.

Be brave, stand tall, for this path is only for the strongest and truest of heart.

He will find his own path.

Have faith that God will guide him. His journey is his own.

And you have given him the ultimate sacrifice.

And he is stronger now for it.

Take comfort in that.

Love the goodness within him forever, safe and secure inside your heart,

Say GoodBye,

And walk this way."

Smile

I have a calm within me

like none I've felt in years.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Myself.

I have reached the deep inner knowing

that I am not my thoughts

nor my feelings.

I am good.

And that is good.

So when I feel down, afraid, hurt, or anxious

I pause, and think.

Does my mind control me?

Do my emotions ring truth?

No. With all confidence I say no.

And I sit here, and smile.

For I know that with a newfound freedom,

I am finally alive.

And good things are coming.

Shine

When an enabler gets hurt

she calls it "patience".

When a free person gets hurt

she calls it "a need for change".

I've transitioned.

And I made the change.

No more will I subject myself to the lies and manipulation of a dark soul.

No. But this I will do, I will pray. I will be serene in the knowing that I am fully my own

and he is fully his own.

His behaviors, good or bad are his to experience and accept.

His children will feel the consequences of his behaviors. Not of mine.

His life will bear the shards of his broken ways. Not mine.

And still, I pray.

To you wounded soul, I pray that God will swoop you up in his arms,

Embrace you.

Kiss you.

Tell you that the soul you've tarnished is still good, deep inside.

And that He is waiting for you to reclaim the shine he once bestowed.

For to accept the life of sorrow is to reject the gift of Life.

And I pray you find the serenity that this path has finally granted me.

For even though we are no more, I want your soul to shine.

Here I come

When we allow the love of our soul to shine brightly, uncovered,

even the pain we feel turns to tears of joy, hope.

For the soul was never meant to be hindered, kept, denied.

The power of the soul is meant to run the world, both in reality, and, that which exists in the souls of others.

A soul that is free from fear, and connected to the ultimate knowing

is the most powerful medicine.

And this world has many ails.

Here I come.

I'm finally ready.

Free

When I give my all, my love, my peace,

and say, I'll love you till the end,

I mean, I'll love you till you force me to love myself less,

therein kill my soul for you.

That is not love on your part.

That is pain and self-hatred.

And I will play that part no more.

Love for myself is the gift I give to this world.

A praise to God,

A strong woman for my son,

A thank you to my parents.

You love me not.

And now I know.

Be gone, for I am finally free.

Roosters for my amiga.

Hazy Girl

Flor

Tea Lights

The Urge To Merge

The Urge to Merge

That's what I've known.

At first I stand tall, beautiful, brave.

And as love sneaks in, it brings it's bedfellow,

Fear.

And it is a trigger for my need.

For my addiction.

My need to belong.

And soon I start.

My urge to merge.

One day at a time.

One value

One opinion

One abuse

One after another after another.

I give up my life for theirs, out of fear,

of not belonging.

But who can I belong to if I'm gone?

Shadows have no substance.

So now I find myself again.

I believe the words I teach to the children so confidently.

"I have the right to..."

And I do.

And now I tell the wounded souls, "No thank-you". This woman is spoken for. She is with me, and I'm with her.

I am her. And I belong.

For more information on the addiction of codependency:

http://www.coda.org/index.php

Cave

I jumped into the deep cave after him.

I wanted to pull him out, save him,

but just decided to fall with him instead.

After all, that's what love is. Isn't it?

Then as I realized that wasn't the real him,

And I'd been following a shadow,

It all made sense.

No more of this.

I have to pull myself out.

And I'm still pulling.