The Secret (My Belief)

The answer lies in happiness. It lies in being content.

Simplicity. Joy and wonder.

There is nothing complicated about it.

We need not be smart.

We need not be frugal.

We need not be anything that tells us we have a step above anyone else.

We just are. And we aren't.

Happiness is the purpose. A word leaving much to be interpreted.

Ecstacy? Laughter? Escape from pain? What does happiness mean?

Is it the absence of any negative feeling?

Or perhaps the realization that feelings are just that. A thing.

Does knowing this truth bring us happiness?

Is this knowing what it means to be Enlightened?

I think yes.

I think asking ourselves about the fears we cling to. The fears that we allow.

The feelings we allow to take control so willingly and causes us pain.

Asking ourselves requires taking one step out of the circle.

Much like an outsider's view of a family fight.

An outsider is objective, separate, neutral, and has no conflicts of interest.

That is our secret.

We can become the objective outsider to our own fears, thoughts, and emotions.

And with this statement swells feelings of freedom the likes of which we have never felt.

And with this realization, the smile of pure happiness springs forth. And the body smiles.

This is my belief.

My God created me, the soul that inhabits this body and has this mind and these thoughts.

These thoughts, feelings, and choices are not part of my soul, but part of this world, as my ego.

And I will rise above them and passed them during birth and death.

And the freedom that is present is that I have the choice to live this worldly life in any way I choose, free from the pain of fear.

I will do my best to raise my son with a pure and peaceful heart.

Teaching him the lessons of the soul. Reminding him of the shine that glows within him regardless of his choices.

And I feel earthly joy when I watch him live.

I need not separate myself from my feelings.

For they are no more a bad thing than an infant crying for milk or an addict craving his drug.

These things just are. A beautiful existence.

And the soul at peace will see them as they are. Experiences to be loved, shown compassion,

And nurtured toward Enlightenment.

Is this not the teaching of our God? Is this not the teaching of Jesus? To love?

I believe so.

I do not agree that we inherently evil, sinful, or flawed.

"We" is so much bigger than our current view of "we". And the soul is never flawed, sinful, or evil.

We are of God.

Our earthly forms (body and ego) are challenged, for in this world we must have hope for the body to survive. And to have hope means to have fear. To have fear means to have pain.

We cannot escape it, but we can step outside of the circle and see it for what it is. A necessary part of this life.

But nothing, absolutely nothing can dampen the light of the soul.

And holding to this realization will provide the secret to happiness on Earth.

This Is Not New

The smell, mildew, dusk, decades and decades of papers and memories.

The knowledge of the human mind has a smell.

Treasure.

Treasure of old, in sunken ships at sea. This treasure is rich in value and history.

To the new eyes it appears new.

To the new reader a new book appears a revelation.

True treasure is never new. It is passed down through the ages.

To us.

They tell us there is a new author. A new cover. A new concept.

Too much money is spent on old ideas in new boxes.

Tears are cried when suffering occurs because new doctors cannot fix.

Treasures are old.

Truth is old.

Trust yourself and know that neither the book nor the doctor have the answers.

The answers are within for they are part of us.

The truth is, nothing new is brought forth. No new answers. Only new voices.

Trust the voices but above all, trust the voice within.

The past answers will stand true.

Tears will fade. For you hold the treasure within you. And you'll smile.

Enlightenment of the Soul

Borne into darkness

the bleakness is the norm.

A child, a nation, convinced that the dim light of the cave

is the bright light of life.

And they grow, living, laughing, crying.

Each convinced that the darkness is the true light.

Passing this down, generation to generation.

Until...

Until one day a brave soul steps out. He wanders far.

Farther than anyone one dared.

Farther than his mind could fathom.

And a new image invaded his mind.

What is the word for this? What is the meaning?

To apply current beliefs to new sights, sounds, frightening strangeness.

He looks and after a moment he says

LIGHT!

And with racing heart and breathless voice he soon he shares of this new found enlightenment.

The sunshine, shining brightly all these years.

So many decades, generations, millenniums. It shines.

Even when this clan knew not of its existence, it shone.

And their world was expanded, presented, exploded.

For a simple truth had been realized, or perhaps, remembered.

That deep down, whether remembered or forgotten,

The light shines, never stopping when it is forgotten. Never fading when hidden by rock

or by time.

It shines upon them, waiting patiently all these years for their faces to emerge,

to embrace.

And in a warm peace, they remember, and embrace the glow.

The Storm

A swirly gray, the storm in my head.
I know I’m not afraid in the storm.

Soon it will clear.

Soon the sun will be bright and my feet will be light.
I will be better.

The cool water that passes my feet is never the same.
I will never be the same again.

I was borne of the storm.
A child of chaos.
Now I step out, grown.

With each clearing, with each ray of light,I stand wiser and stronger.
My eyes see anew. My mind, clearer.

I am not the same water.

Some day the gray will come again.
And I know, I will not be afraid.

Peace And Tranquility

Her Plate

Hot and flakey

crispy and dry

The bread crumbles in little shards as she presses the layers together.

A clean plate becomes a brown dust-filled landscape

and she picks it up

revealing the oval shape of her sandwich.

In a mouth-watering bite she delights in the salty beefy flavor

cool meat against her tongue

and hot toasted bread.

The peppers of the cheese take a bite out of her mouth

as the melted cheese takes over her tastebuds.

And the coolness of the spinach dip dressing

rescues them all

As it moistens the dry toast

cools the burning peppers

smooths out the salty meat.

And she chews

savor the flavor,

As if on a journey to a new land

her mind takes pictures with her senses

The smell of the wheat

the shine of the cheese

the sharpness of the peppers.

And in moments

her journey to an adventurous place is satisfied.

And her plate is returned to the counter.

With only a white oval remaining

in a brown sea of delicious dust.

The Root

You cannot do it.

You failed.

I am ashamed of you.

What? Do you think that's good enough?

What do you want?

Can't you see I'm busy?

I don't have time for this.

Why can't you be like everyone else?

And with these words, a child hides.

He hides in his books.

He hides in his blankets.

He hides his tears behind smiles.

And it starts.

The roots have started to grow.

Secrecy. Shame. A constant outward search for inner peace.

And it starts.

A family who was to protect

has created a blackness,

a darkness.

And the roots of his pain take hold over his soul.

Through his smile he cries.

And begins his wandering journey on the path they've created.

The restless, hurt, wandering, addicted soul.

Red Balloon

If a beam of light

had a mass

it would be lighter than air.

Like a red balloon filled with helium

pulling me up and up.

That is what it feels like.

Peace.

Peace in a beam of light.

Heat, warmth, pulling me up

lighting up the darkness that was once my inner awareness.

What was dark is now light.

I see it. I feel it. Glowing, like the glow of a sunlit red balloon,

floating

up

up

up.

And inside I feel it.

The soft gentle glow of peace.

And I know now that I am so very very good.

Me. I am me.

I am my soul.

I am not my body, my thoughts nor my feelings.

I am good. So very very good.

As are we all.

Souls, with our short time in these bodies.

Able to love ourselves.

For we are all good. So very very good.

And in my soul, in me, in my inner awareness,

I choose contentment.

I choose to see the truth.

And ignore the rest.

To love others, to give, and care.

This is the nature of my soul.

And of yours.

We are all one.

Glowing, floating, warming light of a red balloon.

And all very very very good.

Tick Tock, Outside the Clock.

The clocks are stopping

time has slowed

the tic pauses eternally before it's next tock.

And time is hers.

She rises and falls with the swoon of the tide.

Her mission is certain

not bound by time.

As the world continues

so fast, so hurried.

The calendar days are ripped and thrown.

And contently, she breaths.

Calm, at peace.

Her purpose is clear

Her life is her mission.

Time cannot bind her.

To love, to give, to teach, to act.

These missions are not slaves to the clock.

But rather, masters.

And when she wakes at her own pace,

She need not worry about the time.

For her breath, her touch, her voice,

her talent, her gifts, her hugs,

her sharing.

These are why she is here.

And hurried she is, no more.

Sunset

Communion

Chain

He angrily tries to chain me. To keep me to him.

He his angry because it isnt working. In will not be chained.

He wants to force me to love him the way I did.

Sick love. A love full of fear.

He wants me back and will turn a blind eye to the pain he causes.

He wants to go back in time. To the days when his secrets were still secret.

When I was still ignorant and in bliss.

He doesn't want to change his ways. He just wants me to accept him for who he is,

even when that means pain.

He wants me to hurt, just as long as I'm his.

He wants me chained to him. Cruel. Forced love. Not love. Forced presence.

He wants me in his life to live his life. To be his support.

But he knows nothing of supporting me.

He blames me for pushing away.

I am not allowing him to support me. I've shut all my doors.

I spent months waiting for him to support me.

He had his chance.

Now I am taking care of myself.

Now I am unchained.

The Beach

Lighthouse

A Helper: But Which One?

Friends

Kissing Santa

I have a statue

of a kissing Santa.

He leans in to kiss the cheek of Ms Claus.

She sits, confidently poised on her chair,

Happy, peaceful.

She knows Santa loves her.

She knows God loves her.

She loves herself.

And it is this.

This power. This peace,

That pulls him to her.

He needs her strength, her peace to give him purpose.

So though the action of the statue is on Santa,

The true purpose of the statue is in her.

Shielded

A glass of courage, shielded in a night of no fear,

leads the heart to do things it wouldn't.

A call, a message, a longing reach.

Out to the darkness, hoping to reach its safe target.

But a false, shielded courage will not know true safety.

For only true unshielded courage sees truth.

And in the morning, when the false courage is gone,

and the truth glows in the sunrise,

the target reveals itself again to be,

just as dangerous as ever.

White Wings

I loved you because you gave me wings.

But then I saw they were dirty

and broken.

Gray broken dirty wings.

I thought we were flying.

I believed you. Believed your lies.

Soon I realized we were just falling, slowly.

So, I tore them off, in midflight.

It hurt and I cried, but they were leading me to my death.

A gliding free fall into agony.

So I bled and cringed as I broke them. Feather after feather.

And I shivered as I treated my wounds.

Amazingly, new ones started to grow.

I didn't need your wings!

I had wings of my own!

Strong, majestic,

Beautiful,

And glowing white.

Wings bigger than I've ever imagined.

And they're taking me higher than your eyes could ever see.

So, to you the liar, I say,

thank you for making me fall.

For without falling, I would have never realized,

I could fly.

Do I Really Need A Dining Room Table? Nah!

So Much Art, So Little Space...

Break Away From Darkness And Be Free!

Portrait of My Son

Walking Ahead

He is not ready.

No, not ready for me.

I am farther ahead in this journey.

And he has a lot of growing up to do.

I could wait,

But I will not,

For he is on his own journey,

And my waiting cannot help.

For he must conquer his own fear,

At his own pace.

And until then, he is not ready.

Not ready for me.

And so I will walk.

Keep walking on ahead.

Prayer and Meditation

Grace

With a Thoughtful Pause, Arise.

A Farewell And A New Direction

The sadness of a lost bond.

I feel it tug at me.

For even dangerous bonds are still comforting and familiar over time.

And the small traces of goodness are the hardest to bid goodbye.

A laugh

A touch

A gentle moment

A connection with a soul on a level like I've never known.

I already miss it.

But I know it was time.

Time to go.

Time to let him face his reality.

And time to face mine.

We've left the common path.

They have diverged and are now facing opposite directions.

So quickly it happened.

Or perhaps,

not quick at all.

Perhaps I was blind for too long,

walking a path that wasn't meant for me.

I couldn't fit. It was so treacherous.

I wanted to out of love, and fear.

And then, at once, my eyes were opened.

And I was saved.

And he was saved.

And my true path beckons to me.

It says,

"Come Erica, come this way.

I've been waiting for you.

And you are ready.

Be brave, stand tall, for this path is only for the strongest and truest of heart.

He will find his own path.

Have faith that God will guide him. His journey is his own.

And you have given him the ultimate sacrifice.

And he is stronger now for it.

Take comfort in that.

Love the goodness within him forever, safe and secure inside your heart,

Say GoodBye,

And walk this way."

Smile

I have a calm within me

like none I've felt in years.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Myself.

I have reached the deep inner knowing

that I am not my thoughts

nor my feelings.

I am good.

And that is good.

So when I feel down, afraid, hurt, or anxious

I pause, and think.

Does my mind control me?

Do my emotions ring truth?

No. With all confidence I say no.

And I sit here, and smile.

For I know that with a newfound freedom,

I am finally alive.

And good things are coming.

Shine

When an enabler gets hurt

she calls it "patience".

When a free person gets hurt

she calls it "a need for change".

I've transitioned.

And I made the change.

No more will I subject myself to the lies and manipulation of a dark soul.

No. But this I will do, I will pray. I will be serene in the knowing that I am fully my own

and he is fully his own.

His behaviors, good or bad are his to experience and accept.

His children will feel the consequences of his behaviors. Not of mine.

His life will bear the shards of his broken ways. Not mine.

And still, I pray.

To you wounded soul, I pray that God will swoop you up in his arms,

Embrace you.

Kiss you.

Tell you that the soul you've tarnished is still good, deep inside.

And that He is waiting for you to reclaim the shine he once bestowed.

For to accept the life of sorrow is to reject the gift of Life.

And I pray you find the serenity that this path has finally granted me.

For even though we are no more, I want your soul to shine.

Here I come

When we allow the love of our soul to shine brightly, uncovered,

even the pain we feel turns to tears of joy, hope.

For the soul was never meant to be hindered, kept, denied.

The power of the soul is meant to run the world, both in reality, and, that which exists in the souls of others.

A soul that is free from fear, and connected to the ultimate knowing

is the most powerful medicine.

And this world has many ails.

Here I come.

I'm finally ready.

Free

When I give my all, my love, my peace,

and say, I'll love you till the end,

I mean, I'll love you till you force me to love myself less,

therein kill my soul for you.

That is not love on your part.

That is pain and self-hatred.

And I will play that part no more.

Love for myself is the gift I give to this world.

A praise to God,

A strong woman for my son,

A thank you to my parents.

You love me not.

And now I know.

Be gone, for I am finally free.

Roosters for my amiga.

Hazy Girl

Flor

Tea Lights

The Urge To Merge

The Urge to Merge

That's what I've known.

At first I stand tall, beautiful, brave.

And as love sneaks in, it brings it's bedfellow,

Fear.

And it is a trigger for my need.

For my addiction.

My need to belong.

And soon I start.

My urge to merge.

One day at a time.

One value

One opinion

One abuse

One after another after another.

I give up my life for theirs, out of fear,

of not belonging.

But who can I belong to if I'm gone?

Shadows have no substance.

So now I find myself again.

I believe the words I teach to the children so confidently.

"I have the right to..."

And I do.

And now I tell the wounded souls, "No thank-you". This woman is spoken for. She is with me, and I'm with her.

I am her. And I belong.

For more information on the addiction of codependency:

http://www.coda.org/index.php

Cave

I jumped into the deep cave after him.

I wanted to pull him out, save him,

but just decided to fall with him instead.

After all, that's what love is. Isn't it?

Then as I realized that wasn't the real him,

And I'd been following a shadow,

It all made sense.

No more of this.

I have to pull myself out.

And I'm still pulling.